


Forever

by viole_loves_angst



Category: ChroNoiR, Virtual Streamer Animated Characters
Genre: Angst, Character Death, I give up on tags good luck, I tried my best, Is It Angst?, M/M, can be read as platonic too, just a collection of oneshots really, only slight knkz, original characters in chap 4 and 5, panic attack??, roto is here, slight reference to chronoirs new song, swearing in chap 5, very vague
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28174326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viole_loves_angst/pseuds/viole_loves_angst
Summary: He promised he'd stay with him forever... But forever never lasts.
Relationships: Kanae/Kuzuha (Nijisanji)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 102





	1. Even the Sun sets in Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> The stories I wrote and will be writing in future can be read either as platonic or romantic. I won't be writing things like kisses and stuff, since I can't even if I wanted to. Small pecks on the cheeks may happen in the future though.  
> Disclaimer: This work is purely meant for entertainment purposes and has no relationship to the characters mentioned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 title is from Payphone, the song.

Kuzuha turned on the lights. He was home… But nowhere was home. Home doesn't feel like home. Not anymore. 

_ "I wish we could have seen the end together, Kuzuha." Kanae smiled.  _ Blood _ , there was so  _ much _ blood, and tears. Were they Kuzuha's, or Kanae's? He didn't know. _ __

"Boom!" The thunder clapped outside, the rain started getting heavier. What was he supposed to do again? 

__ _ "Please," he said, begged, his voice barely a whisper. "Please don't leave me." He would live... Right? Kanae seemed so far right now. So close but still  _ so far **_._ ** _ Kanae continued smiling. Why? Whywhywhywhywhywhywhy _

He took off his jacket.  _ Shower _ , he needed to clean off the blood and dirt. Kuzuha looked at the mirror. Someone else looked back. 

_ "It's alright." Kanae finally said, "I know you'll be fine without me." No he wouldn't, how would he? Kuzuha could hear Kanae's slowing heartbeats. The blood didn't stop. Nor did the tears.  _

His white hair stained in blood and dirt and leaves and even more blood. His red eyes were so dull you could mistake them as brown. 

_ "I'm sorry." Was that what he said? Kuzuha wasn't sure, nor would he ever be, now that he's gone. It started to drizzle. He had eyes like the sky, and a smile as sweet as an angel.  _ Gone _ , they're all gone.  _

He promised he'd stay with him forever… But forever never lasts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this at 1 in the morning because my brain is an asshole. Thank you for reading


	2. Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All stories needed to end somewhere. This was the tale of one that is beginning once again. Like dawn, it never fails to come back. Every, single time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is here!!! Kinda. You could also read this as a oneshot if you want to. Turns out I can only write oneshots haha. I'll be writing little snippets of their life from now on I guess. Enjoy!! Roto, Kanae-san's black cat is a he in this haha.

"Nice to meet you!" He said. "I'm Kanae." Kuzuha stayed silent, face seemingly expressionless. Kanae frowned, waving his hand in front of his face. 

"Hello~?" He asked in singy voice. "Anyone home?" Kuzuha's ears burned. He laughed, sweet as a siren's lull. _It's the same_. Kuzuha's heart throbbed. Nothing's changed. It never does. 

"N-nice to meet you too." Kuzuha stuttered. "I'm Kuzuha." Kanae smiled-- he was smiling the whole time-- seemingly satisfied with the response he received. Silence enveloped them. The phone in his hand seemed to be waving back and forth. _Was he shaking?_ He hoped Kanae wouldn't notice. Luckily, he seemed to be thinking about something, his eyes glossed over. Then, something flashed, and the scenery changed. 

_He was surrounded by seats, a cross hung on the wall in front of him._ A church? _In his hands laid a dead body. His skin, pale as porcelain, looked like it would shatter as if it were glass the moment someone touched him, and his eyes--_ gods _, his eyes-- blue, so beautifully blue, even in death, was to be staring right at him. His eyes registered the pool of blood around him, redredredred. Then it struck him. Kan-_

"Plop." Kuzuha's phone dropped onto the ground, shaking Kanae out of his reverie. Kuzuha stared at his hands, his eyes seemed to be playing tricks on him. They were red, and then they were not, then they were red again. All too sudden, he was plunged underwater. The sounds around him became muddled and he couldn't breathe. _He couldn't breathe_. He clawed at his throat, spots were appearing at the corners of his eye, Kanae's figure blurred. He seemed to be waving something in front of Kuzuha. 

"--------" _Is someone calling him?_ Kuzuha was falling, sinking down and down and down. "----------- -------" Whatshappeningwhatshappeningwhatshappeninghelphelphelphelpmakeitstopstopstopstop. 

"Kuzuha!" He was out of the water now, his head spun, his arm stung and what's with the ringing in his ears? "Oh, thank god you're okay now." Startled, Kuzuha whipped his head towards the voice, wincing at the nausea that followed. Kanae stroked his hair as Kuzuha went into a coughing fit, comforting him as he would a scared animal. 

"You dropped your phone and started hyperventilating," Kanae explained, his eyes filled to the brim with concern. "I was trying to calm you down but you didn't stop at all! At some point your legs just gave out. You looked like you were having a panic attack, has this happened before?" Panic attack? Kuzuha shook his head, he doubted his voice would have been able to come out if he tried right now. Kanae handed him a bottle of water, which seemingly appeared out of thin air. 

Kuzuha nodded his thanks before downing half the bottle in one gulp. Kanae's eyes widened in surprise. A second later, he's covering his mouth with both his hands, giggling away. Kuzuha looked like a fish out of water. 

"Sorry," Kanae choked between laughs. "You alright now?" Kuzuha nodded. Kanae smiled, making his way to a forgotten black cat lying forgotten on the opposite side of the wall. _Roto_. Kuzuha looked at it, Roto stared back. No hostility could be found in these immortals' gaze, not anymore, not after a century and a half of repeating the same tragedy together over, and over again. Kanae must have mistaken what Kuzuha's gaze stood for, as he began explaining who the black cat was. 

"This is Roto, he's my cat…" He started in earnest. Kuzuha nodded along, pretending to listen-- he knew everything he was about to say anyways. As he studied Kanae's features, a pang of sorrow washed through him. The way his eyes twinkled with excitement, the corners of his lips turning up slightly, not quite a smile, but not emotionless either. _How long had it been since he saw that, saw him?_

Roto-- who was watching the whole interaction-- snorted. What foolish people they were. Kanae for talking to the vampire and the vampire for falling _every_ , single, time. Not that he was any different himself-- choosing to stay by his side every time he found him. _Why do we always do such stupid things for love?_ That question was asked too many times to mean a thing anymore. But still... he hopes, he hopes for a better future, an answer to his thousand questions, but most of all, he hopes for a better ending. 

"Ah!" Kanae exclaimed two seconds after introducing the cat. "Wanna go get a drink?" Kanae asked. Kuzuha's lips parted, his eyes wide with shock, as if he couldn't believe he just got asked to get a drink. 

"S-sure," Kuzuha's voice cracked a bit. Kanae smiled, pulling Kuzuha off the ground with one hand, while the other held onto Roto tightly. As they made their way through the door, Kanae thought back to Kuzuha's expression-- for a second there, his expression appeared unreadable. _Oh well_ , he buried the thought, _must have been my mistake_. 

Extra, a conversation between them in the cafe:

"You sure you're all fine now?" Kanae asked as he sipped his drink. 

"Yeah," Kuzuha seemed more comfortable talking now, no more stutters or voice cracks. "But my arm's been stinging for quite some time now." He complained, massaging his left arm. Kanae choked-- just a bit-- on his drink. He avoided Kuzuha's gaze, a blush creeping onto his face. 

"I was uhh.." Kanae started sheepishly. "When I was trying to get you to calm down… I kinda pinched you, really hard." 

Imma end it there haha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all honesty, I probably could have finished this thing in like a day. But my stupid self kept getting distracted and I ended up spending three days instead  
> Please go listen to Geminids.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanae decided to take Kuzuha to a shopping center after finding out the NEET vampire only has one outfit. They also went to the arcade for like three lines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like so half-assed... Apology will be at the bottom. I tried writing a happy go lucky chapter but it turned out so bad is the story.  
> Purikura - japanese phot booths I think

I’m not deleting completely this chapter because I want the links in my Twitter to still work but I am getting rid of the contents. Don’t worry it was actually horrible anyways. Turns out I can’t write things that don’t include death and tragedy. Anyways I’ll rewrite this or change the whole story of this chapter in the future. Since school and I’m currently working on something k bai. Check out my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AkiVoile) for no reason why don’t ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorryyyyyyyyy. Writing peaceful things like this without experience is really hard... My vocabulary sucks too... I just wanted something less sad and, like, I guess you could say heavy? I'll be taking a break after this, hopefully, and return with a new chapter at the start of next year or so. And if I'm super bored I'll edit this chapter in the future. The tiny arcade scene was from a translated clip I found on youtube. Also, I deserve a reward for writing the worst endings ever.  
> I also apologise if you find any mistakes in this. I was too lazy to read through this properly though I doubt I made too many since it was so short...  
> I forgot to mention... I messed up the description of the clothes like crazyyyyy haha. It looks better in the drawing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introduction to the characters and world because I can’t worldbuild for shit. I'm not done with the epilogue yet so I dunno if I'll introduce more characters but oh well. Everyone except Kanae and Kuzuha is made up by me. Sorry I don't know enough about the other vtubers to include them haha.

Kanae: Loved by all, vampire hunter/priest That’s literally all you need to know. And he’s a liar. 

Kuzuha: Vampire. Kanae’s friend 

Haruka: Was debating whether to make him a boy or girl but I wrote it with male pronouns so I just went with it. Loves Kanae in a romantic sense. He's Kanae's _closest_ friend. Knew Kanae since they were children. 

The priest: He appears in the later half of the story! His name is Itsuki, but I won’t be mentioning that in the story. 

World: 150 years ago yay. Back in the days, some priests were vampire hunters. Kanae, Itsuki and Haruka were said vampire hunters. Kanae met Kuzuha before he became a hunter so they just kept being friends (maybe I’ll elaborate more in the future). Haruka decided to follow Kanae on their day off (yes they have days off) and found him talking with a vampire! Kanae was talking to Kuzuha in a secret garden Kanae had maintained ever since he found it. He likes calling it their Eden. The story continues there. Please enjoy it. I tried my best. 


	5. First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a first for everything. First kiss, first date, first heartbreak… and first death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Part 1. There will most probably be 2 parts to this. I apologise if I made any mistake. Ahhh I forgot!! There is swearing in this chapter.

_Why is Kanae with a vampire?_ The thing in his chest skipped a beat. _T-this has to be a lie. He’s just pretending to care for him right? He’s just doing this to get his guard down._ He peeked through the bush just in time to see Kanae’s hand brush the vampire’s cheek as he swept away a stray leaf that had gotten into his hair. Kuzuha blushed, swatting his hand away half-heartedly. A red mist clouded his vision. **_I’ll kill him_ **. 

He reached for the gun strapped to his hip silently. The familiar cool metal bit into his hands, a killing calm settled within him. He had done this a thousand-- no, a million times before, and this would be no different. He took a deep breath. 

_As long as I kill him._ He aimed for the vampire’s heart.

_It’ll be_ all _fine_. The safety went off. 

_As long as I kill him_. His finger was on the trigger. 

_It’ll be all fine_. He squeezed it. 

As the sound of the gunshot echoed, Kanae pushed Kuzuha out of the bullet’s trajectory. The priest started. _What the hell did Kanae just do?_ Kuzuha stumbled back in surprise. He barely had any time to comprehend anything before the next shot was fired. The priest had stood up, his form still as perfect as ever, and shot bullet after bullet. It was like a dance between two hunters, Kuzuha dodged every bullet with practised ease, moving closer step by step. The priest never stopped the onslaught of bullets, reloading his gun took less than a second. _As expected of a professional_. It seemed like it would go on forever. 

_Oh shit_ . The priest couldn’t find any more magazines on him. He pulled the trigger, but no bullets came out. _Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit_. Kuzuha approached him just as slowly as he was before, as if enjoying the sight of his prey cowering in fear.

At least until he heard Kanae try to choke back cough and a metallic scent filled the air. _Blo-_

Kuzuha reacted just fast enough to catch Kanae as he fell. Warm liquid immediately coated his fingers. Kuzuha’s eyes widened. _How did he not notice?_ The priest ran over too, worry written all over his face. And then he saw the blood and bullet wound on Kanae. His face blanched with horror. 

“I-I didn’t-” The gun was dropped onto the ground. “N-no way. _Nononononononononono_.” He dropped to his knees. The tears left as quickly as they came. The object of the priest’s hatred changed as he recalled who else was there. His expression darkened, face contorting in anger. 

“ **You!** _”_ He growled. Surging forward. “You should have died. This is all your fault! If you didn’t exist then none of this would have happened... We could have been happy together.” His voice cracked. Kuzuha set Kanae gently onto the floor, and got up from the spot he was kneeling on-- all while staring straight at him. The priest’s face paled, his remarks left forgotten on his tongue. 

For every step Kuzuha took forward, the priest crawled back.

“H-hey!” He warned with all the courage he could muster. “Did you forget who else is here? Do you really want to kill Kanae’s closest fr-”

“You stopped being my friend the moment you shot that gun.” The priest was white as a ghost now, his back hit the gate-- there was nowhere left to run. The crimson in Kuzuha’s eyes glowed, the nails on his hands appeared longer and sharper than before. 

It took all but five seconds to kill him. 

_One_ , he grabbed the priest’s neck. 

_Two_ , a ‘crack’ sound echoed through the garden.

_Three_ , the priest’s head was ripped off his body.

_Four_ , he dropped the head onto the floor.

_Five_ , blood splattered coated nearby grass and flowers. The head crushed under Kuzuha’s boots. 

His eyes went back to normal and he returned to Kanae’s side. He picked him up , as careful as he would glass, and sped out of the garden. _Doctor_ . Kanae was panting, beads of sweat dripped down his forehead. _Doctor_ . He weaved through the houses and people, ignoring the surprised gasps that followed. _Doctor_ . He recalled the hospital where he first met Kanae. **_Where the fuck is the doctor?_ **

“Follow me!” A priest shouted at him, leading them towards the hospital hidden between two buildings. The two hunters called an unspoken truce, their first priority to save the unconscious man. The curious onlookers moved out of their way, afraid of the consequences of not doing so. 

The nurses and doctors reacted quickly as they slammed the hospital door open. They probably had a rough idea of what was going from the commotion outside. Kuzuha laid Kanae onto the bed they had rolled over. The nurses locked the door to prevent anyone else from entering while the doctors peeled off the pieces of cloth stuck onto Kanae’s wound and checked his vitals. 

“I’m sorry but the both of you will have to wait outside. We’ll update you with everything so please do not disturb the doctors.” The nurse said, completely unfazed with the fact that she was talking to both a vampire and a priest at the same time. They nodded, sitting down on both ends of the sofa that was present at the front of the hospital as far away from each other as possible. 

“What happened?” The priest spoke first, dropping his gun onto the table as a show of goodwill. 

“One of you tried to kill me.” Kuzuha decided to answer him. “The bullet hit Kanae instead.” The priest’s eyebrows were furrowed, a thousand questions needed to be asked before he could remotely understand what was going on. But he doubted the vampire would answer him much more, so he settled with one question instead. 

“Where is that priest now?” Kuzuha brought his hand up to his neck, and pretended to snap it. _Dead_ . The priest nodded. If he was being entirely honest, he would have wanted to kill that person for hurting Kanae too. He brought his hand together, and said a prayer for the dead priest, and stayed that way with his eyes closed. _Please let him be fine_. He would have to figure out how to explain all this to the others later but for now, he just prayed, and prayed and prayed for a miracle. He was sure the vampire was doing the same. After all, anyone who met Kanae was bound to fall for him. 

_Wait_ . The priest realised something- _How the hell does a vampire even know Kanae? -_ way too late. 

“I first met Kanae here.” As if reading the priest’s mind, Kuzuha answered him, his voice barely audible. “I sneaked in here at night to steal some blood bags and I broke into the wrong window. That’s when I first met him.” _Kanae always had a weak constitution, when he was younger, he would have to stay overnight at the hospital just in case one of his coughing fits turned into something more serious. But he stopped having to do that years ago._ “I don’t remember what possessed me not to kill him right there and then, or what I was thinking when I talked to him. But I did.” _Kanae always had this… thing about him. It made people do things-- stupid things they never thought they would ever do._ “And that’s how we became… whatever we are now.” 

“Um.” They stood up immediately. The priest picked up the gun and pointed it in the direction of the voice with surprising accuracy while Kuzuha got into a fighting stance. The nurse shrieked, covering her face with the clipboard in her hand, trembling all over. The priest gasped, putting the gun back into its case, apologising profusely. Kuzuha relaxed his tensed muscles, sitting back down. The nurse regained her composure just a bit. 

“We’ve given the patient an IV bag and painkillers. He’s lucky you brought him here before he went into septic shock.” The nurse started with the good news. “We’ve cleaned his wound and stopped the bleeding as much as possible but we’ll need to take him into surgery to remove the bullet as fast as possible.” The priest nodded, waiting for the next sentence that never came.

“So?” The priest asked, getting impatient. “Do the surgery!”

“The patient’s body is too weak.” The nurse finally continued. “He would die if we took him into surgery.” The priest paled. Kuzuha nodded, as if expecting this to happen already. “You should tell his friends and family so they can say goodbye after this. He said he wanted to talk to the both of you first.”

They nodded, following behind the nurse as she led them to the room Kanae was staying in. Antiseptic flooded their sense of smell as the door opened. Kuzuha frowned, covering his nose with his sleeve. Kanae waved them over, his complexion pale. 

“I’m so glad the both of you met without fighting!” Kanae clapped. “One step closer to world peace.” The priest ignored it. He laughed. “Now… how should I say this?” The priest raised his brow. 

“Say what?” He asked. Kanae smiled at the both of them. They started getting worried. 

“I want Kuzuha to kill me.” Kuzuha dropped the hand he was using to cover his nose, dumbstruck. The priest looked between the two of them, unsure of who ‘Kuzuha’ was. “Kuzuha’s the vampire next to you.” Kanae pointed out kindly. 

“What?” Kanae smiled innocently. The priest took one look at it and sighed in defeat. “Don’t blame me if Haruka kills you before the vampire has a chance to.” Kanae laughed. 

“You won’t have to worry about that.” He waved it away. “Though I’m sure if he heard this he’d be writhing in his grave.” The priest’s looked at him with confused eyes. Kanae just continued smiling while Kuzuha looked at him, bringing his hand up to his neck and made a snapping sound. _Dead_. Haruka was the one that tried to kill the vampire. 

“I’ll go tell everyone then.” The priest decided to ignore his realisation. Here was one more thing he needed to deal with after this. Kuzuha followed him out, as if it was his way of retaliating after being told what to do. The priest looked at him with pity, before opening the door to the hospital to let the others in. 

_We’re lucky_ . He thought as he briefed them on what had happened. _We won’t have to kill the person we love with our very own hands_. The other priests nodded, holding back their tears and confusion. If this was what Kanae wanted, who were they to say otherwise? 

The process was relatively quick. They drew lots to decide who got to say goodbye first and went in one by one. They had all agreed to go into a temporary truce with Kuzuha, promising not to do anything until the day after Kanae’s funeral. That was as much as they were willing to compromise. 

The sun had already begun setting when everyone but Kuzuha said their goodbyes. It was a beautiful sunset, more beautiful than Kuzuha had ever seen. 

He couldn’t decide whether it was cruel or sweet, for nature to send such a gift as if to mock him or to say goodbye. Kuzuha never noticed the drizzle. 

Not as he steeled his resolve and opened the door. 

Nor as it crumbled down the moment he saw Kanae’s figure on the bed. He started crying. 

“Oh don’t cry.” Kanae laughed, carefully wiping away the tears that had rolled down. A sad smile on his face. What cruel human he ended up loving. To request something despite knowing just how much pain it would cause the other party. 

“I wished we could have seen the end together, Kuzuha.” Kuzuha shook his head like crazy, leaning into the palm of Kanae’s hand. 

“Please,” He begged. “Please don’t leave me.” _I don’t want to either_. Those words never left his mouth. He knew. He knew Kuzuha enough that if he spoke the truth now, he would never be able to move on. 

And he can’t leave this world ruining someone else’s life now can he? He had made up his mind long before any other choice had a chance to be presented to him. Asking him to kill him being his one selfish request. _Trapped_ . You could say. _He trapped himself with no way of going back._

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. As if even the lies he was about to speak refused to be spoken, as if they were weeping for him like the sky was. _God_ , his chest hurt so much it was getting hard to breathe. 

“It’s alright.” He finally choked out, “I know you’ll be fine without me.” _I guess even my last words will be a lie_ . Kuzuha’s figure blurred, was his eyesight failing? Or was he crying? He sincerely hoped it was the former. He smiled one last time, revealing his neck. _His time was up_. Kuzuha’s hands shook uncontrollably as he grabbed Kanae’s head. And as the tears dropped onto the fabric of his shirt, he sunk his fangs into his carotid artery.

Almost immediately, Kanae felt a hot, searing pain. He bit back a cry, and squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel the blood draining from his body. He didn’t want to admit it, but even he was afraid of what came after death. _I really don’t want to die_. He thought to himself, though he knew it was too late to change anything. 

“...” A single tear escaped. He still had so many things he wanted to do with Kuzuha. But he won’t be able to do any of them now. He patted Kuzuha’s head, whispering reassurances into his ears. And as he desperately held on to the last bit of consciousness he still had, the voices in his head told him to say a thousand things. But only two words came out. 

“I’m sorry.” Sorry for lying to him at the very end. Sorry for loving him. Sorry for the things he never said. Sorry for being so selfish. Sorry he couldn’t say anything more. Sorry for all the things they could never be. _I’m sorry for being me_ **_._ **

And then he let go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've kinda(?) finished the epilogue but it's kinda in parts? Anyways it isn't actually a proper story so I kinda don't wanna post it here. I'll probably post it on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/AkiVoile). So if you wanna get some kinda closure you'll have to go there. Sorry;;  
> Thank you for reading, if you did. Haha baiii


	6. Curses, oh the curses of a god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings like hope and happiness never last long. The boy drowned in despair knows this all too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you missed the notes in the last chapter, I have the epilogue on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/AkiVoile). So go check it there instead!!! Also, there might be some mistakes here and there since I can never focus enough to beta read this damn thing. I apologise in advance if there are any.

“Kuzuha?” A voice unnaturally familiar asked from behind. Both Kuzuha and the cat on his head froze.  _ There’s no way _ . The same image popped up in their heads-- that person who had a smile like an angel’s, and eyes blue like the sky. And his voice. They might have forgotten after so long but that one word had jolted their memory, his voice was clear once again. Like they had heard it just yesterday. Kuzuha turned around slowly, the hope and despair in him stirring up after far too many peaceful years. 

His breath caught. All the thoughts rushed out of his head. Like a scene in a cliche movie, time moved in slow motion, his surroundings blurred-- the only thing in his eyes was him.  _ Him him and only him _ \-- as if his eyes were made only to lay eyes on the man standing in front of him, that blank expression stuck on his face. He had descended upon him like an angel. But he had grasped at his ankles and dragged him down like the devil. He was his salvation. But he was his damnation. Hope stirred in him. But despair drowned him all the same. 

It was him, but then it wasn’t. The person was everything he ever was, yet he was nothing like him. They looked the same, sounded the same,  _ hell _ both of them even had the same habit of pricking their fingers with their nails. But dead people can’t come to life, that was the law of nature.  _ So who’s the person standing in front of him? _

“Roto too?” The person asked, voice half-joking. Kuzuha’s eyes were wide. He couldn’t decide whether to laugh or to cry. The cat on his head furrowed his brows. 

__ “This shouldn’t be possible...?” A statement. A question. The vampire said it while the cat thought it. The person just smiled serenely. 

“I seem to have memories from another life.” And made an observation that made absolutely no sense. He smirked. “How interesting.” Kuzuha chuckled after hearing him say that. That chuckle soon turned into full on laughter. 

“It’s been so long.” Kuzuha stopped laughing. “We all missed you _so much_.” Kanae closed the distance in a flash and pulled Kuzuha into a hug. Kuzuha hesitated for a moment, before wrapping his arms around his waist too. It felt _so_ _familiar_. Like two pieces in a puzzle. As if the strings of fate worked to tie them together forever. A light, tingling sensation worked its way up his spine. He felt hopeful. _Maybe this time we could be happy together_. 

**_But those feelings never last long, do they?_ **

“I’m sorry.” Kanae whispered beside his ear. Kuzuha's body turned rigid.  _ Deja vu. Why does it feel li-  _

The arms around Kuzuha fell limp and Kanae’s whole body crashed onto his. He could hear the sound of him choking back a cough full of the scent of blood. They sunk to the floor, Kanae now laying in his arms, blood trickled down his mouth. His eyes were bloodshot, a smile still stuck on his face-- as if he didn’t know how to get rid of it.

“Kanae?” Kuzuha started to tremble. “ _ No _ .” His voice broke, despair washed over him. Roto cried out too, his paws hitting Kanae’s arm pitifully. As if it could do anything to stop his impending end.  _ Again, he was leaving him-- no, them-- again. _

“Not again.  _ Please _ .” He begged the stars, the gods above, anything that could help him.

_ Why? _ Why did it have to turn out this way again? He felt like he was plunged into that nightmare he thought he had forgotten. 

Blood-- instead of tears-- flowed down Kanae’s face. He opened his mouth to say something. Nothing but more blood came out. He stopped trying, instead wrapping his hands around Kuzuha’s, and held it to his forehead. He couldn’t tell which one of them was shaking more, but the grip on Kuzuha's hand was firm. No matter how much he struggled, he couldn't get out. Not only that:

_ Did you know? _ Kanae's hands were always cold, cold like ice, like that chilling breeze that blows during winter-- and though he never usually cared for it-- the coolness bit into his skin now and with his head all muddled, he couldn't help but think of it as a pair of chains. His hands were trapped in place. He couldn't do anything but watch as the light slowly left Kanae's eyes. Couldn't cover his ears to stop hearing the sound of his heartbeat slow every second till it finally stopped beating altogether. He couldn't cover his face to stop the overwhelming stench of blood from reaching his nose. He couldn't move, he didn't want to believe. He didn't want to believe the thing he never thought he'd see again slipped out of his grasp just as quickly as it came. So he ignored the tears running down his face, closed his eyes and rested his head against their hands and stayed there. The sound of him weeping echoed through the alley, it was the only thing they heard. 

The seconds felt like hours and the minutes felt like days. Paradise had lasted less than 2 minutes and hell was lasting an eternity. Everything felt frozen in time until Roto finally came to his senses and pried Kuzuha’s still-shaking hands off Kanae’s warm, dead ones. 

He stumbled a few times as he struggled to stand up. He looked around as if finding something-- glancing at everything other than  _ that _ . And as his eyes found Roto's, the cat, now a youkai, couldn't help but shiver. His eyes were devoid of emotions. There was no light in it, not even the sadness remained. It was the eyes of someone who didn't know how to deal with the sadness overwhelming him and decided to just get rid of everything instead. The eyes of someone who gave up. The cat looked away first.

Kuzuha ignored that unreadable expression on Roto’s face, finally mustering the courage to look at ‘him’. He too, had a smile on his face. It looked like a replica of the first Kanae’s. Except this time there’s blood running down the corner of his mouth and eyes. His whole body seemed to be covered in blood. Death was such a cruel thing. _ So how could something be so merciless, yet so beautiful at the same time?  _ Kuzuha couldn’t help but think this way. Nor could Roto, he was sure. Kuzuha picked the cat up and dragged himself out of the alley. 

Kuzuha recalled the last few moments of their time together, and what Kanae did. They didn’t need words to communicate, Kuzuha had understood what that gesture had meant. Or maybe he didn’t. Because the voice he could trust the most was gone and the voice he absolutely hated was the one telling him sorry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayy I’m alive. Anyways, I wrote this on a whim too just so you know. I dunno why but I had this thought one day. How did Kanae’s reincarnations die? And then I thought of this:
> 
> When he’s around the age of 30 (varies). One day, he’ll start getting nosebleeds. Almost every, single day. They progressively get worse as time goes on and then boom! One day, he remembers the past-- the first time Kuzuha and Kanae met. But only that life. And then when he goes to see Kuzuha about it. The moment he tries to say anything about it. He dies. Blood comes out of his eyes and mouth. Ya know like those kind of movies that have witches or something strain themselves so much they start bleeding out of their eyes? Just me? 
> 
> So yeah. I wrote the next time Kuzuha and Roto saw Kanae and how he died. I’m sorry Kuzuha, for putting you through this. But the only thing I can write is angst and tragedy (even if I can’t write it well, you should see the things that aren’t related to them *stares at chapter 3 intensely*) And yes, I know the last line makes absolutely no sense but oh well. It sounds pOeTiC so I'm keeping it. 
> 
> Also Roto became a youkai sometime around when he was gonna die as a cat. From the overwhelming amount of fear and sadness Kuzuha had emitted from the thought of being left alone. 
> 
> If you made it this far. Thank you very much for reading. If not, then I get you. I wouldn’t read something this poorly written either.


	7. He's dead (separate)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The candle that burns the brightest burns out the fastest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... what is this.

Kanae had debated whether to tell his viewers or not. To be completely honest, after streaming for so long, they had really grown on him. So had all the others. It made him soft, made him want to tell them everything despite everything. He remembered all of them, the people who would send him superchats in every stream, the members that comment all the time, he remembered how they all cheered him on when he revealed the things he thought he’d never reveal, and how they stayed despite him being the blunt, boring person he was. 

They made him feel like he could do it, if he had revealed his thoughts, they would have told him otherwise, tell him about all the things that were waiting for him in the future. His friends would come running, staying even when they had their own obligations. But even after all that, he wouldn’t let them hold him back. He couldn’t go on anymore. 

He had burned and burned and burned till the candle wick was no more. Now, finally reaching the end of his lifespan, he wondered if he should have taken the time to appreciate it more. The tiny things, the small thank you’s and meaningless conversations he shared with everyone. If he wasn’t so focused on getting to the end of the road, could things have been different? 

“Maybe I would have had someone I loved.” He mused aloud, talking to the air. “I might have had a child, another job, met some very different people.” Not that he’d ever seen a clear picture. He really couldn’t think of himself going any other way. _He loved his life._ But he was helpless in death. Living any longer would have been a living death, pointless. He wanted to leave in his own way, by his own choice, with his own ‘bang’. Instead of being snuffed out like a candle. And he always wanted to fly-- _fall_ \-- the same thing, really. 

So here he was, standing on the wrong side of the fence that were bolted onto the roof, with nothing but his hands holding onto the metal to stop himself from already falling. The fence creaked every time Kanae made a move, threatening to fall apart any second as he stared down to the ground. He didn’t understand the feeling of fear people in stories had when they looked down, he felt nothing. It was the ground. No matter how far up he was it was still the ground. The ground was reassuring. Way more than the sky was-- or will ever be. 

He balanced himself on the ledge, slowly turning his body to face the fence. He took a good look at everything. The still rising sun, the moon that hadn’t completely disappeared, the gentle yet chilling breeze, and the silence. 

_Sweet._ _Blissful_. The perfect way to die. He wondered how the company would break the news. Who would notice that he wasn’t there any more. How they would deal with his sudden, yet not all too surprising death. He didn’t worry much about it. He’d be dead, after all. 

“Seven years,” His smile was full of longing, a hard to describe feeling, and a pinch of regret. These seven years had been awfully long, but unbelievably short. The memories he wished to remember from this period of time far exceeded the ones he had remembered before that. He found people he could trust more than anyone he ever had. He’d done things he never thought he’d be able to do. “Seven years is enough, right?” With these memories tucked carefully into his heart, he could die happy. 

He held up his hands as if to embrace the sky, making sure to keep his smile on his face. The lie he had told for so long, the mask he had worn since the start. They all became his truth. This was the truth he had lived for, the truth he was willing to die for. He tipped himself slowly back, the center of his gravity shifted, and his feet were off the concrete ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok ok. I have a lot of things to say this time(I think) so I'll try to keep it neat:  
> 1\. Thank you minna for 700 hits!! I'm sure half of you left already but I never would have imagined 700 people reading my fanfic;;  
> 2\. This was not the chapter I was originally gonna post, but I'm still not finished with the other one so whatever.  
> 3\. This is a separate piece. I know I say these are all oneshots but I try to have them make sense okay? But kanae's coming back the next few chapters, hence why I'm saying this is a separate piece.  
> 4\. I'm sorry I always start at such odd places and end at the worst possible times. I doubt I will ever change so get used to it lol  
> 5\. My fanfics are full of headcanons and stuff I made up myself so most of the lore isn't even accurate. Should have mentioned this in the first chapter.  
> 6\. I changed a few things in the last chapter, but they're pretty minor so if you don't wanna check you don't have to.  
> 7\. This idea was taken from Ren3 on twt arigato for letting me use it~  
> 8.[Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrP-1wacJIk) is the link for Kanae's view on life and death  
> 9\. I have a few things that might not make sense so feel free to ask me on twt or the comments about it!!  
> I think that's all I had to say. Thank you for reading~


	8. Please don't leave, not now, not ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was his death anniversary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is!!! The chapter I've been working on for forever, the chapter that doubles my word count, the chapter I was meant to post!! First half is a bit dramatic bear with me. Ignoring the fact that my titles get weirder and weirder.

「4:00」

Kuzuha set his phone on mute, blinking against the weariness that enshrouded his mind. His ears still ringing from that unnecessarily loud alarm he had set. He forced himself up in slow, dragged moves, his body protesting for the lack of sleep. He stared silently at the date displayed on his phone, his eyes as if begging it to change against his better judgement.  _ It was that day of the year again _ . The day ‘ _ he’  _ died, the day a nightmare came, the day his utopia was stolen away. He sighed in defeat as his eyes began to water, the screen stayed the same.  _ It always did.  _

「4:25」

Kuzuha took in a breath of cold air. It burned down his throat and lungs, the same way vodka or tequila would. He wrapped his jacket tighter around himself, shivering slightly against the morning breeze, its touch not at all too dissimilar to the gentle whispers of death. The train station was silent as stone, aside from the trains that came by every few minutes, Kuzuha was all but alone. It was ominous, like a dark foretelling in contrast to the usual gratefulness he would have felt if it were any other day. 

His train came faster than he expected, it was close to empty, and the atmosphere felt stifled. Or maybe it was all in his head. His mind delighted in playing tricks on this day of the year after all. He looked down to his phone, staring at nothing in particular as he scrolled through his twitter to see what he had missed. A book lay carefully placed on his lap, its pages still in pristine condition. 

「5:09」

He navigated through the roads with ease, as if he had done this thousands of times, his steps oozed confidence, as if he didn’t need to half drag himself to come anywhere near this place. He despised this place.  _ But how could he? _ The person he loves--  _ loved-- _ was buried here after all. A familiar pressure began applying itself to his mind, a pounding he couldn’t shake attacked his head. He bit back a wince as he sped up his pace, wishing for this to be over yet yearning for this time to last forever. 

_ Where was his destination? _ You ask. Well…

_ Where else but  _ ‘his’  _ grave? _

「5:14」 

Kuzuha slowed down as he caught sight of the dilapidated church. He took in the view before him, the paint that had almost succeeded in peeling itself off its walls and the stained panels-- they once looked absolutely ethereal as the evening light illuminated their paintings, the colourful glow that would dance around its occupants’ faces-- that now lay shattered all over the ground. The memories he tried so hard to shut out came flooding back at full force. 

_ “Hello,” The pale boy with an IV stuck in his arm greeted. “Are you lost?” _

He tripped over a stray pebble, stumbling a few steps forward before finally gaining his bearings again. Nausea hit him in waves, the pounding in his head worsened. 

_ “Oh, you’re back!” The boy with blue eyes gasped in surprise, his lips pulling up to form a smile.  _

He stopped dead in his tracks, squeezing his eyes shut so tight he started seeing spots. He brought his trembling hands to his ears and crouched down, trying his best to block out the memories and his voice. The voice he had heard just a day before, a voice he hadn’t heard in a century. 

_ “Isn’t this place beautiful?” He twirled around with his arms held out, the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen was on his face. “Our ----- _

His voice vanished, the memory stopped playing and began to fade away slowly, as if a piece of paper being burned into nothingness. 

Kuzuha lightened the grip on his head and got up warily, carefully, afraid  _ they  _ would come back if he made one too sudden a move. The ghosts of his past reached out of the ground and dragged him down, the weight unbearably heavy. The scent of despair was too thick in the air, and he wasn’t ready. 

「5:17」 

A single gravestone, within millions of others. A single person, within the billions on Earth. We are but dust in the galaxy. And yet there are people who care so much about these tiny specks of dust that flicker in and out of existence they do not forget until they themselves are gone. And it makes you wonder. _Why do they care so much?_ _Why hurt yourselves trying to do something that’ll bring nothing but misery into your lives?_

Perhaps he understands it a little better now. Perhaps he still doesn’t. 

Leaning against his gravestone, the cold still biting into his skin despite having two layers of cloth around him, he flipped to the first page of the book, and began reading. The start of a story, the beginning of a tragedy unfold. There was an irony in reading something like that by a grave-- multiple graves. His arms moved by themselves, as if possessing their own minds, disobeying his orders to stop flipping to the next page, to take another book, one with a happy ending, to get something  _ he _ might have enjoyed reading if he were still alive. 

And it might have just been his way of retaliating, for leaving too early, far too quickly. That thought had crossed his mind too many times to count. But he throws that thought away as fast as it came and ponders for another reason as to why he is doing this. A retaliation that hurts yourself just as much doesn’t have any meaning after all. 

The sun had yet to rise, stars still hung in the sky, its light pulsing in steady beats, as if it were a heart. The perfume of lilies wafted through the air. There was always a peaceful atmosphere here.  _ Kuzuha ignored the ghosts clawing at him. _ It was calm.  _ He blocked out the sound of his hammering heart. _ He wished he could stay this way forever.  _ He wanted to go back _ . 

‘Bang!’ Kuzuha slammed the book shut, raised his hand and attempted to hurl it at the ground, only to stop himself right before he let go of the book. His bottom lips quivered, his eyes a mixture of anguish and anger. The birds resting by the broken windows of the church flew off in a flurry, startled. Specks of dust pranced in the sky, their voices sounded mocking. He pulled his legs to himself, wrapping his arms around his knees and buried his head into them. He was trembling again, the tears he tried so hard to keep inside came flowing out, the dam broken. The place became quiet-- not even the sound of leaves rustling could be heard-- and the sky darkened. A silent prayer, out of consideration, out of pity. 

“I miss you,”  _ A voice full of sorrow.  _ “I miss you so much.”  _ A heart broken beyond repair _ . 

「8:00」 

Though Kuzuha was the one who decided to ring the bell, his eyes had widened just as much as Kanae’s when the door clicked and swung open. He was frozen to the spot, unsure of what to say now that he was face to face with the person he had been worried about all this time. Kanae opened, and then closed his mouth, then opened it again, but nothing came out. He furrowed his eyebrows, unable to fathom why  _ Kuzuha _ , out of all people, would be at his door at 8 o’clock in the morning. 

“Come in,” Kanae moved out of the door’s way, his voice still rough from sleep. “We’ll talk after we warm you up.” 

Kuzuha sighed as the warm air greeted him, the hands that were frozen stiff could finally move again. Kanae closed the door behind him and walked to the kitchen counter. Kuzuha followed suit, sitting at the end of the dining table, and curled himself into a ball to warm up some more. 

Kanae grabbed the kettle, poured the packet of hot chocolate into a mug, stirred it for approximately two seconds with a small, metal spoon and then handed it to Kuzuha. He took it gratefully, sipping at the drink slowly as he tried, and failed to study Kanae inconspicuously. 

“So, what are you doing here?” Kanae got straight to the point. Kuzuha flinched unconsciously, reminded of the times ‘ _ he’ _ had used that voice. It was a voice he used when he was worried, a voice he used when he didn’t want the other party to know that he was worried but he was.  _ Because that’s just how he was _ . Kanae softened his expression, misunderstanding his reaction. 

“I thought I’d visit you.” Kuzuha looked away. He was never very good at coming up with excuses. The temperature of the room dropped to a frightening chill. 

“Is that so?” His voice dripped with aloof coldness. “Now that I think about it, you used that excuse last year and the year before, didn’t you? Was it on the same date too? Or was it different?” Kuzuha closed his eyes, silently swearing at himself for being such an awful liar. 

“Don’t close your eyes Kuzuha.” He snapped. Kuzuha opened them but kept his head down, unable to find the courage to look into Kanae’s eyes. Kanae massaged his temples, his voice lighter as he asked, “I’m just worried about you, okay? Did you even get any sleep last night?” 

Kuzuha nodded vigorously, raising his hand and held up three fingers. “I slept around two to three hours before coming.” 

“That’s not even close to enough,” Kanae facepalmed himself, hitting his head a few times before getting out of the chair and grabbing Kuzuha by his arm. “Come on, you’re going to sleep right now.” Kuzuha let himself be dragged, his skin tingled where he was being touched. 

「8:05」

Kanae pulled the curtains, turned off the lights, cranked up the heater and crawled to the empty spot on the bed. 

“What?” He asked as he noticed Kuzuha’s gaze. “It’s my bed, and I’ve slept about just as much as you.” He raised his eyebrow, as if challenging him to say something,  _ anything _ . Kuzuha looked away, sighing in defeat as he moved closer to the edge of the bed. 

“Why’d you even come if you stayed up late playing games?” 

“I didn’t. I slept at 1 and woke up at 4.”  _ That doesn’t make it any better. Or any more sense. _ “There was something I needed to do today.” He kept it vague. Kanae didn’t pry any further. An awkward silence overcame them.  _ Though it’s probably just me _ . Kanae huffed, a bitter emotion rising in his throat like bile. 

Kuzuha turned around then, his eyes frighteningly clear as he studied the brown haired boy. Said brown haired boy smiled innocently as he pulled Kuzuha into an embrace, one he couldn’t get out of no matter how much he struggled. For someone who’s had a weak institution since young, he sure had a surprising amount of arm strength. 

“Sleep.” Kanae whispered. “I’m not mad or anything so just get some rest.” He had forgotten about their telepathy.  _ Calling it telepathy was overkill _ . It was more of a sixth sense. An invisible red line that connected them enough that they could feel what the other person was feeling occasionally.  _ It always came at the worst times ever _ . Kanae shoved the annoyance down, afraid the person fighting against his heavy eyelids would receive it again. Kanae didn’t resist the urge to run his fingers through his hair. Kuzuha leaned into his touch, a satisfied noise came out involuntarily.  _ Like a cat _ . Kanae mused. 

“You should sleep too,” Kuzuha mumbled into his shoulder, and let the sleep take him. 

「11:44」

Kuzuha woke up to an entirely foreign place. A playground, a red swing, the bitter sweet scent of nightshades and the perfume of purple hyacinth that mingled together. And  _ him _ . His hair that was always tied up messily, half-heartedly, and the storm blue eyes that were neither warm nor cold. And of course--  _ how could he ever forget? _ \-- that too sweet smile plastered onto his face. 

「00:55」

“Kuzuha,” A greeting, a statement, a reprimand, a curse,  _ a curse, a curse _ .  _ His voice sounded like a siren’s song _ . Kuzuha didn’t know how to describe the warm feeling in his heart. He didn’t want to acknowledge the dread rising from his throat. He wanted to run away, to look somewhere else,  _ anywhere _ , as long as it wasn’t into the eyes he thought he’d fall into with no end in sight. But his body moved on its own accord, a small smile appeared on his face instead.  _ He _ laughed, clear like the bells that would chime every time the winds blew. 

「55:55」

“How is it?” He asked as if he didn’t know exactly what was happening. “Outside. Without me. You’re with this guy now right?” His face morphed to form Kanae’s. His long hair reduced to the short one he had right now, the piercings that were replaced by a lone earring and a tongue piercing that revealed itself as he stuck out his tongue. 

_ He didn’t have a tongue piercing _ .

「5555555555」

“Don’t be such a bore will you?” The telepathic link in his dream was always much stronger. Perhaps it was because  _ he _ wasn't real, and the person he was talking to right now was none other than himself. “I know you wanted him to have one.” Kuzuha’s finger twitched. He laughed again. 

「00:88」

“Do you miss me?” He asked out of the blue. “Or are you happy with the one you’re with right now.” 

「88:88」

_ If I say I am, will you leave me alone? _ His mouth stayed glued shut. 

「88888888888」

“I’d be really sad if you said you were.” He pouted. “Besides, I’d kill him.” The whites of his eyes turned black and a teeth revealing smile that sent shivers down his spine appeared on his face. “I can’t have a fake being better than the original now can I?” His voice was a stark contrast to the cruel look he wore. 

「5417」

“Not that I can.” He waved the threat away. “I couldn’t leave this place even if I wanted to.” Kuzuha had been so fixated on  _ him _ he forgot where they were. A playground, it was the playground they would pass by when they walked to the garden together. Though instead of being the old and worn one they saw, this one looked brand new. Like it had just been built, or renovated.  _ What an odd place to be in. _ He was usually stuck in the church, or his room, once even in the middle of nowhere. But he was never in a place with neither good nor bad memories. He’s surprised his mind could even recreate this scene so vividly. 

“Shouldn’t you wake up?”  _ What?  _ “He might just die today, and you’re gonna waste your time talking to me?” He shook his head, clicking his tongue with disappointment. And if Kuzuha had even a sliver of the confidence Kanae wore on his sleeves, he would have surged forward and clocked him in the nose before he even had the chance to finish that damned action. But he doesn’t, so he watches without a word instead. Kanae stared at him with a knowing smile.

“Well,” A brief look of reluctance passed his face-- so brief Kuzuha wonders if it was just his imagination. “I’m not a monster. So I’ll let you go now.” Not even given a chance to react, he was sucked into the darkness. 

「5417」

His eyes jerked open.  _ What the hell was that _ . He barely registered the body on top of him, the relieved face he made when the whimpering boy had finally woken up. 

“Kanae?” He asked. 

“You okay?” He checked his condition, ignoring the confused look Kuzuha wore. “...What nightmare did you get?” He asked in a small voice, as if he was afraid of something.  _ Ah. I must have scared him _ .

“Did I wake you? Sorry.” He winced as Kanae pinched his arm, anger shone in his eyes. 

“That isn’t what I asked for.” He got off the bed, pulling Kuzuha out along with him. Kanae hesitated before adding, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, just… don’t apologise for something like that, okay?” Kuzuha was glad Kanae wasn’t facing him, the tips of his ears being beet red. 

_ A faceless body. Dead. Dead. Dead.  _

The small smile that had begun showing itself scurried back to where it came from, the tears of joy he wanted to cry were quickly turning into tears of sadness.  _ How cruel. _ He resists the urge to confess, about the nightmare, about him, about everything. Because how could he make Kanae bear the weight of the world, not when he had done the exact thing for him back when they first met. He refuses to do it again, to just unload it all on him because he was too much of a coward to deal with it himself. 

“Today’s a bad day, that’s all.” That was all he could say without breaking down. Kanae nodded, squeezing his shaking hand, an anchor to reality, a comfort he really didn’t deserve. “Can I stay?” He still couldn’t stop the question from leaving his mouth, the hope from welling up, the fear of being left alone. The boy in front of him stopped walking, looking at him with a look of disbelief. 

“Is this really the Kuzuha I know?” Kuzuha glared at him. “Of course you can.” He laughed, like a weight was lifted off his chest, both of their chests. 

He dropped himself onto the sofa, scrolling through his phone to look for something for both of them to eat. Kuzuha sat where he usually sat-- that spot on the carpet that now permanently had a cushion, directly below where Kanae liked to sit. 

“Sushi?” 

“Mm.”

“Curry?”

“Mm.”

“A kiss?”

Kuzuha had a deadpan look in his eyes. He was getting used to Kanae’s antics, but there were a particular few that he just couldn’t help but react to. Like this one _.  _ _   
_ __

_ Bad memories _ , he sighed as Kanae giggled like the maniac he was. He waved his hand dismissively, clicking the ‘order’ button to whatever he had chosen for them. 

“I wish you would open up more.” Kanae remarked, keeping his carefree expression despite the serious undertone lying in his voice. “Keeping everything inside isn’t good for your health, you know.” Kuzuha’s gaze seemed to pierce into his soul. Kanae hid a shudder.  _ And because of that... _

“Did you dream something about me?”  _ He’ll be selfish _ . “What was so bad you’d start whimpering and calling out my name while still dead asleep?” He was dangerously close to getting a fist to his face. Though that didn’t stop him from letting the words settle between them, rip up the just healing wounds and shove salt into them without a single drop of sympathy for him to take comfort in. 

... _ All in the name of love right? _

“Is that so…” His voice was strained. “Sorry,” Kanae softened immediately, looking down in guilt.  _ Ahh _ . He sighed.  _ What was that sadness in his voice? _ It sounded too raw and broken to be from just a dream. He just had to ruin the atmosphere, didn’t he? He couldn’t even move to speak because of the faraway look Kuzuha had in his eyes.  _ I wonder if he’ll forgive me.  _

_ I hope he does _ . 

_ I don’t think I can live with myself if he doesn’t. _

“But I really don’t know why I would do that. Whimpering and calling your name, I mean.” Surprisingly, it was Kuzuha that broke the silent first. “I wouldn’t even call what I had a nightmare.” Nightmares were supposed to make you scared, your heart pound and drench you in cold sweat, but he was fine. He wasn’t afraid of  _ him _ , he didn’t jerk awake suddenly nor did he feel his heart beat any faster. He was just sad, really. He missed him, and that gave him a chance to see him again. If anything, he should have been happy because of it. 

“Is that so…” Kanae said, the relief visible on his face. “Well, I’m glad you weren’t having one. And…” He hesitated. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for snapping at you just now. I… I’m sorry.” Kuzuha’s eyes widened, his mouth slightly parted. The shock evident on his face. 

“It’s fine, I know you meant well anyways.” He laughed. Kanae let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. 

“Now that I think about it,” Kanae suddenly remembered their conversation in the morning. “Why  _ are _ you here? I really don’t see a reason for you to come today, in the morning too.” Kuzuha had more of a calm look on his face this time. Maybe it was because he had a clearer mind now that he got more sleep, or he figured out a good lie to tell him. Kanae desperately wanted to believe in the former.  _ Would he use the same excuse? Maybe he thought there was an off-collab today. He wouldn’t have come that early if it was that _ .  _ What could it even be? Did I forget something?  _ He hated his amnesia in times like this.  _ He’s scared, I know he is. But what f- _

Kanae snapped out of it as Kuzuha dropped the controller and stared at him, face pale with fear and body trembling uncontrollably. His eyes looked like they were drowned in despair. Kanae didn’t understand what was going on.

“Eh?” Tiny droplets of blood dripped onto his shirt, slowly increasing in its speed, stopping just as it was about to flow like a stream of water. Kanae’s face crinkled.  _ Why was he getting a nosebleed now out of all times? _ He’d been fine the past week, he should have been fine today. Especially compared to the amount of sleep he got. He held back a gasp as he felt a stinging pain in his chest.  _ What the hell is Kuzuha thinking? _ He had stopped trembling as much so Kanae thought he’d calmed down but just what was this feeling? 

_ Like an eternity of sorrow _ . 

Kuzuha flinched as Kanae placed his hand over his, temporarily brought out of his reverie. Kanae opened his mouth, the blood he had anticipated to come out never did. 

“Kuzuha,”  _ They were words _ . “Can you get me some tissue? I’d rather not let the blood stain my shirt any more than it already has.” Kuzuha’s eyes widened.  _ He didn’t remember, he wasn’t dying. _ He was just having a nosebleed. 

The relief hit him like a truck. He scrambled to get the tissue box on the table, trying his best to help out with shaking hands. He had gotten so used to seeing him die when he started bleeding he had forgotten how often this person got nosebleeds. Courtesy of him working so hard all the time.  _ He must have pushed himself too much again _ . Kuzuha didn’t really understand why Kanae had to stream everyday. His viewers would have been perfectly fine with him taking a break too, so there was really no need to go that far. 

Before long, the blood stopped flowing, the drip coming to a stop. Piles of tissue soaked in blood lay forgotten on top of the table. 

“We should get the dried blood off with a wet towel.” Kanae wrinkled his nose, this was why he hated getting nosebleeds. He led them to the bathroom, taking off his vest and dumping it onto the ground, leaving it to be dealt with in the future. Kuzuha winced as the cold water hit his hand, holding the towel under the tap a few more seconds for the warm water to kick in. 

“You should go outside, the delivery guy should be here any minute now.” Kanae pointed out, though he didn’t resist when Kuzuha started wiping down the blood on his face. His eyes went in and out of focus as Kuzuha moved gingerly, afraid he’d somehow hurt him. 

Kanae’s hand moved by itself, getting Kuzuha’s bangs out of his eyes and gazed straight into the desolate eyes he never thought his vampire companion would have. Kuzuha’s hand stopped moving, diverting all of his attention to playing the game called ‘Try looking at anywhere but his eyes’. He failed, of course, as Kanae locked his head in that position. They stayed in silence, neither making a move nor a sound. 

“Ding dong” Kuzuha jumped, dropping the towel. Kanae went down to pick it up.

“I’ll clean the rest off myself,” He reassured. “Go get our food.” Ignoring the look of reluctance he gave him, he pushed him out of the bathroom door and slammed the door in his face. Kuzuha banged on the door multiple times, desperate to get back in. 

“Stop wasting our time and go~” Kanae had sung, making sure they both heard the sound of the lock clicking in place. Kuzuha was debating whether or not to kick the door down when the doorbell rang again.  _ Of. All. The. Times. You. Could. Have- _

He stomped out of the room, scooped up the pillow on the sofa and threw it against the front door, letting out a frustrated noise. He stood in silence for a few seconds, and then proceeded to kick the pillow away and open the door, his face back to the expressionless one he always had, as if none of that had just happened. 

“Kan-” The delivery man paused, confused. “You’re not Kanae.” Kuzuha wanted to drag Kanae out right now and punch them both in the face. _ Did he have to be friends with everyone he sees? _ He held back a sigh, debating what would be the least tiring way to explain this to him. 

“He’s busy.” He gave up trying. _ He’d go away if he hears that right? _ There’s no way he wouldn’t. 

“Eh?” He made an exaggerated gasp. “What’s he busy with? He’s always opened the door, oh! Silly me, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m…” The man carried on belatedly. First his name, then his hobbies… It was a never ending cycle. Kuzuha wondered if he would ever run out of things to talk about. But it wasn’t the time. He could smell the scent of blood getting stronger, too faint for the human nose but enough that Kuzuha could pick up on it even two rooms away. Kanae’s nosebleed was getting worse.  _ What if he remembers? _

He couldn’t shake the ominous feeling off his back. The sense of foreboding that slowly creeped its way out of its shell. He needed to go check, to make sure he was fine.  _ I don’t want to lose him again _ . No one ever does. His hand on the handle tightened.  _ Please let him be okay.  _ He prayed even though he knew it was useless. 

One minute passed, two. The man never stopped talking, Kuzuha was beginning to get desperate.The iron in the air swirled around his nose, mocking, taunting, as if daring him to go. 

“Could you  _ please _ hand over the food.” The man paused, taking a few seconds to register what he had meant. He blushed scarlet, covering his face in shame as he apologised. 

“I’m so so  _ so _ sorry! I swear I didn’t mean to do this!” He said as he handed the plastic bag over. Without giving him the time to say anything more, Kuzuha shut the door in his face, put the food down and rushed over to the bathroom. 

Kanae was standing across the mirror, the blood he had wiped off was now replaced with more blood, the white undershirt he wore was bright red. Kuzuha searched his face instead, looking for any signs that he had remembered, and paused as their eyes met. He couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating. The pressure he remembered so well, he had felt it before, but it had never been directed at him, it hurt so much more than he thought it would. 

“Kanae.” He said breathlessly, looking for pointless confirmation. Kanae smiled.  _ Why? _ He didn’t say anything, didn’t even open his mouth, perhaps knowing that the words he’d try to say would never come.  _ Why? _ He was in modern clothes, he didn’t have the glasses he had loved wearing, his long, platinum hair was replaced with short, brown hair, he looked nothing like he once did.  _ So why? _

Why was it that all he could see was the silhouette of  _ him _ ?

He should probably say more. He should be saying all the things he wanted--  _ needed-- _ to say to him before he was gone again. But his mouth wouldn’t open, his body wouldn’t move, his eyes itched. Kanae walked towards him, his eyes full of longing, the pressure he felt was gone in a heartbeat. 

He leaned into the warmth of his palm, relished the feeling of his thumb tracing repetitive movements on his cheek.  _ Don’t cry _ . Kuzuha cried harder. Kanae let out what sounded like a laugh. He wished this moment would last forever. That he’d stay just a little longer. It’s just been so long and he really doesn’t want him to leave again. 

But that small window of peace still disappeared.  _ Since when did things ever go his way? _ Tears of blood started flowing out of his eyes now, the nosebleed started getting worse too.  _ He was dying again _ . Kuzuha could do nothing but watch. 

“Live your life.” Kanae struggled for breath. “Live your life properly even without me, okay?”  _ I don’t think I can _ . Kuzuha nodded anyways. He closed his eyes, satisfied with the response he got. 

And then he was gone. His body dropped like deadweight onto Kuzuha. He put the body down slowly, dazed, sat onto the ground next to him and hugged his legs close to his chest, shaking his head in denial as he repeated the two words, the words he had said and heard so much he wondered what’s the point. He had said it the first time. He had said it the second time. He held those words close to his heart. He started questioning the third and now it was the fourth time. He didn’t know what it was for anymore, but he still said it. Like a routine, like a religion. 

“I’m sorry.” He choked. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He cried and cried and cried. “I wish there was something more I could do for you.” 

And in the world where time didn’t stop for anyone. The world where only the strong survived. In the world where the ones left behind are ruthlessly killed, Kuzuha was left alone once again. 

  
  
  
  
  


viole (the writer/me) in a soothing voice: breathe in…

Breathe out… 

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

Take a few moments and let it sink in… I killed kanae once again, after I just did it in the last chapter, and the last last chapter. He’s dead, Kuzuha’s once again dead on the inside. Are you crying? It would be so much funnier if you were so I’ll assume you’re crying. Anyways go listen to [Let Each Other Go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QOFwOh7w5M) and [Everything That Isn't Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KOYke9NgoA) because the first one reminds me of nowa while the second one reminds me of the kanakana I have in my head. Also have this poem not poem I did in class because I could. 

Once upon a time, there was one boy, two. 

They were lonely, they were hurt.

Both in different ways, but now they’ll always stay alert.

One had lived for too long, seen far too many things.

The other had too many secrets, that was all he had the rest was nothing. 

They were too kind for the world, even when they were knee deep in despair.

Before they knew it, the weight on their shoulders were too hard to bear. 

They thought it'd be fine, to survive, to be alive.

But then one year passed, two, they’re still the same, 

with no one but themselves to blame. 

In the end, one gave up, though not by his own choice.

The other couldn’t, taken away was his voice. 

Once upon a time, there was one boy, two. 

Now they’re gone, their wishes never came true 

Listened to the songs and read the poem? Those who aren’t crying please cry for the sake of crying, thanks. Anyways back to the story. Yes, there’s more. Well, it’s not really more per se. Remember that delivery guy part? Yeah, everything in the middle of that and the rest, scratch everything. Forget it. Kanae doesn’t die, whoooooo. I’m sorry I have no sense of humor. I’m just an awkward girl trying her best, forgive me please? (lll￢ω￢) I’ll shut up now.

What actually happened (from the delivery guy part):

“Kan-” The delivery man paused, confused. “You’re not Kanae.” Kuzuha wanted to drag Kanae out right now and punch them both in the face. _ Did he have to be friends with everyone he sees? _ He held back a sigh, debating what would be the least tiring way to explain this to him. 

“He’s busy.” He gave up trying. _ He’d go away if he hears that right? _ There’s no way he wouldn’t. 

“Is that so? Well, help me say hello to him will you?” The delivery man handed him the food as he attempted to sneak a glimpse of Kanae past the towering vampire in front of him. 

He failed. 

Kuzuha closed the door slowly, trying his best not to seem rude, or impatient. Once he made sure the door was locked and shut, he rushed back to check on Kanae. 

“Kuzuha?” He asked, looking up from where he was busy scrubbing his vest. “What’s wrong?” His corners of his eyes creased as he tried to figure out why the boy in front of him was making such a face. Kuzuha shook his head, lifting up the food for emphasis. Kanae smiled. 

“You really expect me to believe the food’s why you’re making such a face?” His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“You can clean the vest later.” The question was left unanswered. Kanae chuckled, dropping the vest onto the floor and followed him out to the dining table.  _ Indulging him once would be fine _ . He reassured himself.

viole (yes, me again): No it will not but sure kanakana whatever you say. They went on to eat their lunch and played games and caught up with each other till Kuzuha decided to go home, somewhere around midnight. That’s something I can’t write so I’ll just tell you instead. Kuzuha went home, feeling lighter than ever and Kanae was confused but glad he could relax like that with his friend. A happy ending, aren’t you glad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More things to explain!! The reason behind the numbers: 4 sounds like death in chinese, 5 in chinese is wu, when put together, sounds like crying. 8 in chinese is ba, when put together sounds like calling for 爸爸, 9 in japanese is ku, which sounds like 苦, or suffering. I don't remember the rest but if there's a 13 in there it's cuz of some english superstition.   
> I don't think people have death anniversaries but, headcanon again: Kanae ends up dying on the same date every single time. Because it makes it so much easier to write.   
> I'm already working on the next chapter but after that I'll have run out of ideas. So unless the people that still read my fanfic want me to go onto indefinite hiatus gimme some plot ideas!! Please give me some I'm so desperate but I literally have no creativity.   
> Also… thank you for 800 hits!!! It’s growing so fast; I’m pretty sure it got to 800 like 2 days after I posted that last chapter so really thank you~


	9. Billet doux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billet doux: Love letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy valentines everyone! I didn’t get any chocolate but I hope you did. Also, have this chapter full of not very valentine-sy things written in it. Though this really isn’t a chapter, because like the title suggests, it's a letter. And this will probably be the one and only chapter in this fanfic that can’t be read as platonic. Might have butchered Kanae’s personality again too but oh well.

Kuzuha,

You see, someone once told me that writing your feelings out as if you are confessing makes you feel better. So I thought I’d try it out. I have nothing to lose, right? So here is the letter you’ll never see:

I like you. I want to think about you all the time. The way your eyes light up when you’re talking about an interest. Or the way your mouth forms a slight pout when you’re not given what you want. I want to think about you at every second of my life. And I want to see all the other expressions you have but never showed anyone. I want your sweet whispers of love, however clumsy. I want to see every part of you you’re willing to give. But then it makes me sad too, to know that you’ll never be mine. It makes my chest unbearably tight and I can’t breathe and I just want it to all stop. And I do not know how to hide the sadness as I do with anger, to shove it down my heart and lock the door and throw the key away. Because sadness is much more painful than anger and so I do not think of you at all. I cannot. Because then it’ll hurt you too. And gods, how much I wish I could. Sometimes it gets too hard to bear and I picture your smile, under the setting sun, and I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe and I know I love you so much and I want to reach out, to cup your face into my hands and press my lips against yours, adrenaline rushes through my veins and all I can feel is euphoria. But then it slowly turns into hurt, anguish, sadness again and I want to cry and I want to tell someone how much it suffocates me but I remember our link so I think happy thoughts. I fight away my urge to stay sad and think of the jokes we share, hoping to let go of the feeling. Sometimes it works, and I can’t help but laugh at your antics. But sometimes it just hurts more, the tears run down faster, and it hurts everywhere and this indescribable feeling wells up and I want to die. I wonder if you’ve ever gotten those feelings of mine and just never brought it up. I hope you didn’t. I’m sorry if you did. I’m sorry I love you, and I’m sorry you had to deal with a mess like me. That’s why I’ll keep doing what I’m doing right now, I’ll be confident when you are not and I’ll worry for you if no one does. I’ll be there for you even when the whole world turns their back on you, though I’m sure they will sooner abandon me, and I’ll stay even when you’ve grown up and you can do it all by yourself. Because I don’t want to be left alone by the person I love the most and I’m selfish I’m selfish I’m selfish. I just can’t help but be selfish. And I want to tell you the truth, I really do. I want to open up about everything and cry and cry and cry until my heart is satisfied... But I need. I lie. I mean all the things I never say. And I’m sure I’ll stay that way till I’m 6 feet under. 

You know, I don’t usually think like this, I really hate it when I do. Because despite all the things that go on in my life, I love it. It’s the best it's ever been, the best it’ll probably ever get. But I can’t help but wish we weren’t who we are. If I wasn’t such a mess, and awfully afraid to express my feelings, could it have been different? Could we have been happy? I hope so. 

Cheers, 

Kanae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short, very random. Not valentine-sy that’s for sure. Anyways it kinda just brings up random things at once because nobody plans a letter out okay? I refuse to believe anyone will plan out a letter before writing. I also had no idea how to end the letter, which is why it sounds so abrupt. I was never good at writing endings, you should know by now.  
> Okay go enjoy your valentines now imma go to bed.  
> 


	10. The good and the hard days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are good days and hard days for me-- even now. Don’t let the hard days win.  
> \- Mor, A Court of Thorns and Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Highschool au, kinda. Just need the school setting tbh. Using the ocs from that priest chapter because I still don’t know enough about the other livers and it’s easier using someone you already have some sort of idea about, except Haruka isn’t secretly in love with Kanae this time. No psycho yandere. And another one. I’m awful and I’m too lazy. What a horrible trait someone who writes can have. 
> 
> *Characters might seem less like canon than usual because I stole this idea from another fic (mine obviously) and just changed a few things to match it up.

“Kanae’s my girlfriend.” Kuzuha said in the middle of their history class. Everyone stared at him, too shocked to say anything to that abrupt confession. Kuzuha burst into laughter, choking on nothing as he slammed his hand onto the table. 

“What the _fuck_.” Itsuki breathed, asking the boy sitting beside him whether or not he had heard right. 

He did. 

“I just want to annoy him.” He choked his laughter back just enough to say. “Kanae’s my girlfriend.” They reacted faster this time. Ooh-ing and clapping and laughing just as he had seconds ago. Junko added a chapter to her nowa fanfic, quickly writing down whatever came to mind while Kanae stared at them as if they were crazy-- bat shit crazy. He looked to Kuzuha, sighing in defeat when all he got an innocent shrug of his shoulders and the high look in his eyes their group would get when they did one too many stupid things. 

“Really, Ku-chan? Really?” He had settled for that instead, making a mental note to beat the shit out of him when they were alone. Haruka just laughed and called them cute and whatever new words he had learnt from Junko that week. 

The group quieted down as their history teacher clapped, asking for their attention, and it stayed that way till the end of class, a very bland and boring class. Especially after the crumbs they were just fed. 

“You and I, we really need to talk about what comes out of your mouth.” Kanae had hooked his arms around Kuzuha’s bag as he always did, whispering into his ear as he had once done during lunch. The one that sent Junko and Haruka squealing and Itsuki choking on his coffee or whatever drink he was inhaling at that time. He felt the eyes and cameras on his back but he paid them no heed. It’s become such a normal occurrence, for Junko to whip out her phone whenever they did anything that looked remotely like something someone more than friends would do. For Haruka and Itsuki to say something so awfully inappropriate that even Kanae himself didn’t understand what they were saying sometimes. Kuzuha must have gotten used to it too, since he was comfortable enough to joke around like this in front of someone other than him. 

He wondered when he’d gotten used to this. To be so friendly with the people that he thought he’d never ever bother talking to. To not even blink at some of the things they said without hesitation, in front of their faces even when the thing they were talking about was them. He admired them for their bravery, boldness. Or maybe it was innocence and ignorance that let them be so fearless. Whichever it was, Kanae wished he’d have some of it. 

“We have nothing to talk about. _Besides_ , what’s the worst they could do? Push us closer together?” He joked, amused. _This bastard’s enjoying this_. The grip on Kuzuha’s shoulder tightened. It didn’t hurt him, it never did, but Kanae liked believing he could do something if it really came down to it. Kuzuha just swatted his hand away, laughing as he practically skipped towards the car park.

*

Contrary to what their friends probably believed, they didn’t live together. Hell no. They were teenagers. As if their parents would let them. They didn’t know everything about their relationship, Kanae keeping the secret despite telling his mother everything. They needed some time to figure things out, to find each other’s boundaries and know when to just drop everything, to know how to comfort the other when shit got too much and they just wanted everything to stop. Kuzuha was beginning to think they were too broken to ever be fixed. 

They shouldn’t have been. 

But they were. 

They still went to each other’s house every time school ended though, switching houses whenever they got bored of staring at the same wall, smelling the same sickening scent of air freshener all the time and decided it was time to have a change of pace. They were at Kanae’s house this time. 

His room was empty. Aside from the necessary furniture a bedroom should have, there was nothing. No paintings on the wall, no tiny figurines or whatever people put on their desk. The room was so full of white it hurt Kuzuha’s eyes at times. It felt like Kanae’s presence in this room was so small that if he decided to leave one day no one would ever notice. They wouldn’t even suspect that anyone was living here at all. 

Which was why he had tried getting him some stuff to decorate his room with. He was in the shop, staring at all the tiny decorations adorning the shelf when the realization dawned on him. 

_He didn’t know what Kanae liked._

Also that he sucked at picking gifts and all the things in his room were just garbage he never bothered throwing away. A weird feeling grasped his heart then, it warmed him up, though it probably shouldn’t have. And he thought that maybe Kanae and himself weren’t as different as he thought they’d been afterall. 

He went home without buying anything that day. Just walked home like nothing happened and never mentioned the emptiness of Kanae’s room. He’d talk to him if Kanae brought it up first, but for now, he didn’t mind. 

Kuzuha plopped down beside Kanae, letting the silence settle between them. A comforting silence, unlike the awkward one he tended to fall into. He wrapped his arms around his legs and stared at the blank wall with Kanae, a thousand thoughts in his head yet nothing at all came out his mouth. He yearned to find solace in someone’s words, to get the feeling of reassurance people got when they knew for a fact someone would stand by their side no matter what. Like reading his mind, Kanae rested his hand on top of his. An ether to reality, to keep him grounded, for both of them. They were tired, they finally found someone to lean on.

And for a second, time ceased to exist. They weren’t 17 year olds in high school, trying their best to get through the day, then the next, and then the next. They were timeless. Too old for this, but too young to know how to make it stop. His hand itched for something that wasn’t there. 

“You should stop indulging the others in their fantasies.” His voice snapped Kuzuha out of the thoughts he had drowned himself into. “You’re gonna regret it one day and I’ll be collateral damage.” Kuzuha looked at him, an incredulous look in his eyes. 

“You don’t want to be collateral damage.” The words rolled off his tongue, foreign and odd. “If you didn’t want that then you shouldn’t have started this in the first place.” Kanae scowled. _He wouldn’t have if he knew this was what he’d get out of it._ But he’d gone in far enough that crawling out would be just as tedious.

They went quiet again, the words they thought would last them forever barely lasted them a minute. Tick tock went the watch on Kuzuha’s wrist. Seconds, minutes, hours. It was time for him to leave. 

Kuzuha got up slowly, stretching his arms to work out numbness that had seeped into his joints without him noticing. It wasn’t always like this. There were times when they would comfort each other, times where they just talk about nothing and everything, and times they would recall the events of the day and laugh like they hadn’t laughed in centuries. But today wasn’t like that. Turns out, they were more mentally exhausted than they had both cared to admit. 

“Stay.” Kuzuha’s hand stopped halfway to the door knob, barely hearing Kanae’s whisper. He turned his head around, searching. Searching for the eyes he knew would mirror the look in his. He reached for his phone, texting his mom that he’d stay over for the day and shoved it back into his pocket the moment he got the okay from her. He walked back to his spot, sitting down like Kanae hadn’t just requested something most people would have found odd, or rejected. 

“Always.” He had said a bit too late. But it didn’t matter to either of them, the message had gotten across anyway. Because in this world full of despair, the boys needed something to hold onto. 

_Even if they were just baseless lies._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what the hell this is. But this *did* make me want to write an actual highschool au, which I surprisingly managed to write a chapter about, and a hell of a lot of ideas. I meant to post this and that on Sunday, but then the medley broke me and school straight up slaughtered me so now it's Monday night and I'm finally posting this.  
> I was not lying when I said I ran out of plot ideas so you could say this will most probably be the last chapter, unless I manage to write one for Roto. It was a fun journey, thank you for reading my bs pieces.  
> Thank you for 100 kudos too <3


End file.
